After Infidelity-Stay or Go?

Most people believe an affair is a deal-breaker, but infidelity can be a wake-up call, and surprisingly, it can be a catalyst for a better marriage. Hashtag India offers some tips to help you decide! 

When you get the devastating news that your spouse has had an affair, how do you decide whether to stay or go? Because you feel betrayed, your first impulse is usually anger, and wanting to leave-fight or flight. But, after you calm down, you realize there’s a lot you’ll lose, and you may have children to consider. Don’t make an instant decision you may regret later, after the damage is done. Yes, it’s possible to find extraordinary love after divorcing late in life, but the potential partners out there are no better than the ones you left.

We don’t think you should stay and suffer if nothing’s working, but in many cases there are often couples who do the work, take up some counseling and wind up happier than before. The affair may have happened after long-standing problems in the marriage, which can actually be corrected to the satisfaction of both partners. Often dissatisfaction grows from resentment, and the root causes can be fixed with the help of counseling. If both partners are willing to change what’s not working, a marriage can be improved and can be turned into a satisfying life of enjoyable companionship.

Top 5 reasons to stay:

• Your spouse truly recognizes they have a problem, and are willing to get help to fix it, and to be accountable for rebuilding trust.

• You two are going to counseling, and understanding why the affair happened, and how to fix the problems.

• You’re getting your own sex life back on track, if it was off track.

• You have a long, shared history, joint finances, and family ties that make it worth keeping the marriage together.

• You still love each other, and it’s clearly mutual.

Top 5 reasons to go:

• Your spouse is in denial, makes excuses, and blames you. This means they are invested in the cheating behavior, and not ready to change.

• You have had it, no longer feel connected, and are not willing to work on it. Be sure this isn’t just temporary anger.

• You are prepared to be on your own.

• You either have no children, they’re grown, or you’re certain a divorce will be better for them than what’s going on.

• Your spouse refuses to give up the other relationship, or infidelity in general.

Working these issues out together will either repair and improve the relationship you have, or teach you skills and attitudes you need to know to make any relationship great.